fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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