It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
