quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
