The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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