I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
