Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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