obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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