He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
