Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
