they need to just BURY HIM!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How external is "for external use only"?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
