So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
