11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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