Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
