i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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