all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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