I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize