Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
