what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I see more hoeing in ur future
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
