She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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