Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
