i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
