BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
