she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
