belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
NoShamevember. You game?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
