Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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