new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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