I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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