Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He better not be in your backpack
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize