9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
