You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
