I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
