i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize