Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
