none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
