Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize