Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
