I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
