my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
