ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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