And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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