It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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