sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
