I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
soo... how was my night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
