You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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