Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
