when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
