I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
