I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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