You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
