she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
