you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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