she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude. I can hear the air.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
