I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
