Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Randomize