my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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