Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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