Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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