I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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