I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
