Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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