I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize