i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize