and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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