We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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